Friday, November 14, 2008

the downside

You know what sucks about being a mom? When you have a bad day(s), and all you want to do is curl up in bed with your head under the covers, you can't, because you have someone else to take care of. We didn't have a great day today. Emma had a doctor's appt and she's only gained 2oz in the last month (she normally gains about 1 lb, which isn't great, but it's okay), she also has a rash bad enough to get us a referral to the dermatologist. The doc wasn't so happy about the weight gain and we have to do everything we can to fatten her up in the next 2 weeks, including adding in another night feeding, which I guess *solves* our sleep issue. I feel like a total failure, and everyone keeps telling me it isn't my fault, but damn it still makes me feel like crap. My 8 month old doesn't even weigh 12 lbs and she's still in 0-3mo clothes, and not even close to growing out of them. Who knows what will happen if she doesn't gain enough weight before the end of the month.
Sometimes I really don't like being responsible for another person, some days it's hard enough to take care of myself and keep it together. Then you add in this tiny (really tiny) little person who depends on you for everything and you go and fail her. It's certainly not her fault that she's so little and if it's not her fault, who else can you blame it on but yourself? And you feel awful and want to hide in bed, but you can't. Sometimes it really sucks being a grown-up.
Then you take a look at this face and you realize why you get out of bed in the morning and put on your big girl panties...


6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry Ivory. :(

~Angelika

Mama said...

Ivory, what a touching post. It is so hard, and you guys have had it harder than most. BIG hugs to you...I can say that you two made one of the most adorable little babies out there. ((HUGS))

Leighton and Lisa said...

I'm sorry. i'm sorry. I'm sorry. You do have it hard, but you are doing a GREAT job. keep up the good work! I hope the skin issue clears up--Logan has dermatitis and constantly has to use a skin cream. take care over there.

Tanya said...

I agree with mama...you and Jamie did make one of hte most adorable babies out there. If there is anything I can do to help you guys out....I'm at the ready! I'm so sorry that you're having a tough time right now.

Jeff and Kerry said...

Just because you're a mom now doesn't mean you aren't allowed to feel this way, I hope you know that. I'm sorry you had such a horrible day, and sooo sorry that your sleep "routine" is going to take another hit - you just didn't need that. (((hugs)))

ania said...

Oh Ivory - I'm sorry you have a bad day! ((BIG HUGS!!)) You are a wonderful mom - anytime I see together I see how loved and happy Emma is.