We had Emma's birthday party this weekend and it was so much fun! Jamie's parents and Grammy flew in from Ohio to celebrate with us along with my parents and some great friends. It's truly amazing to think back a year and look how far she's come.
I made cupcakes
And a sugar-free version for Emma and the other kids!
Happy Birthday! She loved having everyone sing to her :)
She was a little tentative at first
But Daddy smeared some on her face for her
Then she got into it with her Grandpas
And wanted to share
Once it was sufficiently smashed she started eating it :)
William liked his cupcake too!
This is what she looked like at the end of the day, being the birthday girl is hard work!
To my amazing husband and the father of my child, Thank you for standing by me during all the ups and downs. For making me laugh and drying my tears. For loving me and Emma more than I could ever imagine. For providing us with this amazing life and working your tail off so that I can stay home and be the mom I always dreamed of being. You are an amazing father and husband and we're lucky to have you. I love you baby!
The March of Dimes, March for Babies is coming up next month on April 25th at Civic Center Park. This year we've teamed up with my friend Kerry who unfortunately has joined me in the ranks of preemie moms. Her boys, Wes and Max, were born last month at 30w and currently growing big and fat and learning how to eat in the NICU. If you're in town on 4/25 we'd love to have you join us, or if you're feeling generous we'd love a donation. If you click on the photo below it will take you to our team page where you can sign up (note, the photo is of all the babes at about 1 month old)! Again, thank you for your support :)
Dearest Emma, You are the light of my life and far and away the best thing that has ever happened to me. One year ago my life was throw into complete chaos (okay, there might have been some chaos going on previously) and I never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined how much I would love you. Your daddy and I fall more in love with you each day. You are the most amazing child I have ever met. Your personality and spirit make everyone who meets you instantly love you. I am continually amazed by your tenacity and will to learn, you blow us all out of the water. Preemie my ass! Thank you for being my daughter and for bringing so much joy to my world. I love you so much baby girl and I can't wait to watch you grow up!
That's how long it's been since my world was flipped upside down. I've chosen to blog about this today so that I can try and concentrate on Emma tomorrow and celebrate the miracle that she is (I promise I will have cute pictures and stories and maybe even some video tomorrow) :) If you would have asked me a week ago how I was doing I would have told you that I was great and that I was over all my sadness about this date. Eh, turns out that isn't true. I'm having a round week. I think part of it is that Jamie is out of town and likely will always be out of town this week, but it definitely brings back some of the "lonely" feelings. I lay down and it's just like a movie in my head that I can't stop. My memories from that night just play over and over again. I remember how much pain I was in the days before I went into labor and how I wished it was over so I could just have my life back. I remember the joy at getting to shower and eat that Friday. I hadn't showered in FIVE days. I'm pretty sure my doctor was glad she made that decision once she became a little more intimate with me. I remember the amazing massage one of my favorite nurses gave me, but how it didn't stop the pain. I remember going to the bathroom every 5-10 minutes in hopes that emptying my bladder would stop the contractions. It didn't work. I remember wanting to push, and then mentioning it to my nurse, which is when people got clued in. I remember the surprised look on my doc's face when they did the u/s. Turns out there was no measurable cervix. Hmmm, I wonder why? Oh because I was EIGHT CENTIMETERS DILATED!!! I remember the absolute chaos that ensured after that. The staff was desperately trying to get me to labor and delivery and I was crying so hard that I could barely speak. I remember calling my parents and Jamie and no one could understand what I was saying and I had to keep screaming "I'M IN LABOR GET HERE NOW!!!!" I remember how terrified and alone I felt. OMG. I was so scared. So, so scared. I remember being wheeled down the hall, still just crying uncontrollably. I can't imagine what the people in the hall thought was happening to me. I remember getting to L&D and having them check me again and being 10cm. It was happening so fast and my head was just spinning. I remember the epidural. I never thought I wanted one and actually had always been told that they won't give you one if you're that far along, but I think they saw I needed some help. It was awesome! One of my favorite doctors was holding me and compared to everything else going on it was so easy. I hadn't been in much pain but it calmed me down enough so I could breath and slowed my labor down so my parents could get there. My parents came, I think they might have been crying in the car. Just a wild guess. I remember one doc leaving and the other one coming. Luckily it was my 2 favorite docs... I will be forever grateful for that. I remember pushing and my water breaking ALL over my doctor. Keep in mind I'd been bleeding for months... it was gross. She was a trouper, went and changed and was back for my next contraction. Did you know that in order to give birth your legs must be behind your head? I didn't either, but my nurse sure seemed to think so. I remember there were about a million people in my hospital room for the delivery. And every nurse I knew (which was a lot) kept stopping in to see me. I was a minor celebrity. I remember how hard it was to push out a 2# baby. I really always thought she would slide out. She didn't. I remember my doctor mentioning she might have to give me an episiotomy and I FREAKED out on her. From then on every time she would reach toward her little table I would say "You better not be getting scissors!!!" I remember Emma being born and my doctor holding her up and asking if she was a boy or girl. I answered boy. I was quite wrong. They asked if she had a name. We didn't. We really didn't think it was going to be a girl. I remember them whisking her away and then the neonatologist bringing her back for one second to let me hold and kiss her. It's my only memory of her from that day which is so hard for me and why I think I still can't associate 3/14 with the happy thoughts. I will be forever grateful to him for giving me that moment with her and trying to make my experience a tad bit ordinary. I remember Jamie's face when he walked into my room. He was so devastated that he had missed her birth and I would give anything to be able to change that. I wish so badly that I would have realized I was in labor sooner and allowed him to get back before she was born. That memory breaks my heart :( I remember the labor "cocktail" they brought me. Orange juice, cranberry juice and ginger ale. Heaven. I remember my nurse talking to me about the ice pack I was sitting on and having no idea there was ice down there. Epidurals are good stuff. I remember being moved to postpartum. I think my nurse was on speed. She kept talking and talking about room service and I wanted to scream "I've been here for 6 weeks, I know how it works!!!" I was so sad they made me change rooms. That was a bit of a mess, we'd finally moved all our stuff into my room and then had to move it out in a matter of minutes. I remember falling asleep with my hand on my stomach, like I had done every night for months on end. That night no one would kick me back. There wasn't a baby to talk to and to tell to grow big and strong. I already missed having her with me so much :(
I'm really hoping that soon I'll move these memories to the back of my mind, but today they are so very prevalent.
To sneak one by you all, but it didn't work :) Jamie took some adorable pictures of Emma a couple weeks ago and I thought I'd just throw one in randomly and of course it was the photo that everyone loved. So here are the rest of them :)
Paul and Sam are coming this weekend and we're headed up to ski! Emma will also be swimming for the first time, I'm sure there will be a couple photos taken :)
We had a great week! Emma spent another night with my parents (I know, we are so spoiled) and Jamie and I got to go out with Suzie and Mike. We had a great dinner at Oceanaire and a ton of fun playing cards at the PS Lounge. We definitely needed a night out together :) I FINALLY finished Emma's room a couple weeks ago. Now I know why pregnant women go through a nesting phase, it's really hard to actually get stuff done when you have a baby ;)
Please excuse the bad photos, I keep forgetting to get Jamie to take them so I did it myself :)
The letters above her crib, my friend Cathy hand painted them and they match her room perfectly! The peony decal is from here
Her photo board with all her photos of friends :)
Her ugly glider (I never got around to recovering it, again something that should have happened previous to her arrival) and bookcase. Overall I think the room is pretty cute.
So is she :)
Jamie and Emma "bonding"
Since furniture doesn't get her far enough, she's taken to scaling walls to get where she needs to go. This child is unstoppable!
4 generations of Evans women, pretty darn good looking if you ask me!
We went to Texas de Brazil for dinner the other night, Emma was feeding herself and running her fingers though her hair. Good thing it was bath night!
Again with the self-feeding (blueberries), I'm not sure I'm ready for this!