Friday, March 25, 2011

Believe

I had my 20w ultrasound yesterday and I’m relieved that it’s over. Even though everything has been going well I still get anxious before these appointments because I know the bottom could drop out at any moment. Luckily yesterday’s scan went well and our little girl (yes, I said girl) is happy and healthy!
This pregnancy is different than I thought it would be. I truly believed that I would be a basket case every moment of every day and that hasn’t been true. Not to say that I’m not worried and don’t think about things that could go wrong quite often, but with each day that passes I allow myself to breathe a little deeper and become a little more comfortable with this pregnancy. Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing the right thing by allowing myself to become more relaxed, obviously the more I let myself believe the good things the further I have to fall if something bad happens. In a way it’s just easier to believe that everything is going to go wrong because then when something does happen I’m not surprised. With Emma, even after things had gone wrong from the very start, I don’t think I ever truly understood what could have happened. We were lucky, I know it was only luck, and now that we’re on the other side I can understand (though never truly understand) what could have happened. Even laying in the hospital for weeks on end never did I believe that we could end up with a preemie and months spent in the NICU – it just wasn’t something I could grasp. This time I can. This time I know every possible thing that could happen to us. And it makes me more prepared. I’m not na├»ve like I once was, it’s hard for me to see the glass as half full, but I’m trying. I know that no matter what happens this is my last pregnancy and it is my last chance to soak in the joys and pains of being a pregnant woman. I’m doing my best to believe that this really might go right this time. That we might be one of the lucky ones that brings our baby home with us just days after she’s born. I might be able to hold her close to me immediately after her birth instead of waiting until the next day. I might know what it’s like to experience labor with my husband by my side and watch him get to experience the birth first hand instead of through pictures. I might get to wake multiple times in the night to feed a baby, not an electric machine. I might know what it’s like to cry happy tears about a birth instead of just tears of sadness and regret. I might get a fat, full-term baby.
I know that we can handle it if life decides to throw us a curveball again, but that doesn’t mean we want to.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Halfway point!!

As of tomorrow I am 20 weeks, which is halfway done! A couple of you have asked for a picture to help better predict what baby Schwab might be, so here you go -



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, March 14, 2011

THREE!!!!


It's hard to believe that three years have passed since we welcomed Emma into the world. She's changed so much since she was our little 2lb 12oz peanut, but she's still the spunky little girl who came into our world 10 weeks too soon.
I wish I could truly capture with words what she is really like, but her personality is far too big for that. She's sweet, sassy, loving, wild, smart, friendly, loud, kind, stubborn, imaginative and daring. She embraces the world with open arms and jumps right in to new situations. She's both the sweetest child I've ever know and one of the most stubborn. We butt heads more often these days, but much like my brother she's quick with a coy smile and a sweet tongue to try and soften the blow ;) Every day is an adventure as she learns to demand her independence and we learn which battles are worth the fight. But most of all we love her more than words can say and we're truly blessed that she's ours.
We started the day with breakfast with Nana and Bapa, had lunch with our best friends (including "chocolatte" and pink cupcakes), a trip to the park, presents and ended the night with a visit to Chuck E Cheese's. She LOVES being three (though she's not big yet and evidently won't be for 2 more weeks - according to her) and loves celebrating. It really was the perfect day!


Wednesday, March 9, 2011

18 weeks

*insert big sigh of relief here*
I had my first abruption with Emma at 17 weeks and even though this pregnancy is very different, I feel a great sense of relief on passing that milestone.
I’ve been feeling okay, I get headaches a lot and my stomach still isn’t what it used to be, but I’m working through it. I feel huge, but I know it’s all relative. We had an ultrasound at 16w and my cervix grew again so that’s a great feeling. No word on the fibroid, but there isn’t anything they can do about it anyway so I’m trying not to stress. My next appt is the 24th and hopefully we’ll find out if Emma will have a brother or a sister.







- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone