That's my daughter

Daughter - Loudon Wainwright III

Everything she sees
she says she wants.
Everything she wants
I see she gets.

That's my daughter in the water
everything she owns I bought her
Everything she owns.
That's my daughter in the water,
everything she knows I taught her.
Everything she knows.

Everything I say
she takes to heart.
Everything she takes
she takes apart.

That's my daughter in the water
every time she fell I caught her.
Every time she fell.
That's my daughter in the water,
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I lost every time I fought her.
Yea, I lost every time.

Every time she blinks
she strikes somebody blind.
Everything she thinks
blows her tiny mind.
That's my daughter in the water,
who'd have ever thought her?
Who'd have ever thought?
That's my daughter in the water,
I lost everytime I fought her
Yea, I lost every time.

Jamie and I have been singing this song a lot lately - it definitely rings true at our house. It's amazing to me that in just a short while we'll have TWO daughters. As the end draws near it's becoming so real. I alternate between being so excited to meet our new little girl and having an absolute freak out at the thought of having a newborn. I am ready for her to join our family and to start working toward our new version of normal, but at the same time I worry as well. I worry about Emma and how she'll handle this. Thinking about her losing her only child status makes me cry - I know she's going to be an amazing big sister, but I know that it's a big change and I worry about her. I worry that I have no idea what to do with a newborn - Emma came home on a schedule and even though she had many newborn tendencies, it wasn't the same. There was no constant feeding, no umbilical cord cleaning, no changing diapers 40 times a day, no physical recovery for me while trying to care for a baby. It scares me.

But I'm so excited to have a new addition to our family one - a tiny, scrunchy, soft little one. I'm excited to have my body back - to be able to sleep on my stomach and get out of bed without grunting, to be able to wear shoes again. To say I'm uncomfortable is an understatement, but the end is in sight and I'm both embracing it and have my heels in the sand trying to stop it from happening.

Hoarders

Emma could most definitely be classified as a hoarder - she just collect things as she goes and refuses to get rid of them.
Tonight I took a picture of her in bed - this is actually pretty light compared to some nights. There are no boxes or larger toys or measuring sticks. Just animals and blankets mostly.

This is what full term looks like!

I'M FULL TERM!!!!



I woke up this morning with a giant smile on my face and then promptly burst into tears. I feel so lucky to have made it this far, and I know that it is luck, not anything I did differently this time around.
At my appointment last week the girl was estimated to weigh 6lbs 2oz - over twice what Emma weighed and almost a pound more than she weighed when she came home from the hospital at 37 weeks. I had been feeling pretty good, but I overdid it yesterday and am paying for it today, but it's my own fault.
Can't believe we'll be meeting our baby girl in the next 3 weeks!!

Can't keep up

You'd think that with all the sitting around on my bum I do that I'd be able to blog, but darn it's hard!

I'm quickly approaching full-term, which is beyond awesome. I feel pretty good today (it varies), though my head is spinning when I think that baby girl will be here with us in less than a month!

Jamie took Emma camping a couple weeks ago (no, I did not go - I don't love to sleep on the ground and I certainly wasn't going to do it while very pregnant), and captured some great moments.

Prayers

A friend I know from my online preemie community lost her son last night.

Sam's Story

Sam was an amazing little boy and an inspiration to everyone who knew his story. If you could keep his parents and brother in your thoughts right now I would truly appreciate it, no one should feel the pain the are experiencing right now.

discomfort

How uncomfortable I feel is still difficult for me to talk about "out loud." I obviously brought this on myself and am very happy to be pregnant, especially this pregnant, that I do feel bad complaining when I know that the flip side is that I'm not pregnant right now. But I'm pretty uncomfortable.

I'd been told many times that the last 6 weeks suck and then the last 3 weeks suck even more, and I am definitely starting to feel it (6 weeks left tomorrow!!). It's HOT here. Tonight at 7pm it was still 90* and that is just too hot. This morning we hit the farmers' market at 9am to "beat the heat", and by 9:45 I was wiped. And I know it's just going to get worse. My body hurts in places that I didn't really know existed. Baby girl has decided that she loves to shove her hand in the crease between my leg and stomach, even though there isn't really room for it there and when I'm sitting that hurts. Her movements are definitely different now, it's so weird to watch her move around in there, because we can see a lot of it. My stomach is off to the side, almost under my arm and when it growls, that is really weird. Also it can only hold about an english muffin before I'm too full and food starts to come back up. My back is killing me, my feet are swelling and did I mention how hot it is?

Don't get me wrong, I am very VERY glad to still be pregnant and I will take whatever discomfort is thrown my way because I know what the alternative is, but I guess I didn't really expect to feel this way. I don't think I ever truly believed that I would still be pregnant at this point and when people talked to me about how uncomfortable things were at the end I blew them off because they were "lucky" to still be pregnant and I didn't want to hear them complain. And now it's my turn to b!tch about the end and it feels pretty good :)

And a small video of Emma telling the baby a story :)

32 weeks!!

Less than 2 months to go! For some reason 32 weeks seems very pregnant to me. I’m not sure if it’s because it was our next milestone with Emma, that obviously never was met, or if there is another reason, but 32 weeks is the real deal!
I’m feeling pretty good, sleep has become an issue because my hip and shoulder start hurting after laying on them for about 30 seconds, but there isn’t really another way to lay so I guess the pain will stick around for a while. Baby girl is definitely calmer than Emma so far, which is kind of nice and I hope continues, she moves but nothing like Emma did. Jamie and I were able to feel her heartbeat through my skin the other night which was so weird and awesome and she has the hiccups pretty frequently these days (Emma did too around that age). My appointment and ultrasound isn’t until Thursday this week, so hopefully I’ll have pictures of her to share then.
And since I haven’t shared an Emma story in a while -
Last night at the dinner table I was showing Jamie where I thought various parts of the baby were positioned. Emma asked some questions about it and so I was telling her a story about how she used to push her butt up against my belly button and wiggle it around. Then she proceeds to tell me that she used to cry in my belly because she didn't like it in there and wanted out so the reason she was wiggling her butt around was because she was trying to push her way out of my stomach so she could be free.
Jamie and I were SHOCKED! While we are very honest with her about her rocky start, we've never really made mention of her coming early (we mainly just discuss the NICU like it's a normal thing all kids need at this point) and I've never told her that mommy's body wasn't a good place for her so she had no choice but to come early (I firmly believe she realized my body was failing her and "kicked" her way out before she was in distress).
It was just so crazy to hear her verbalize things that I've thought but have never discussed with her.